So...time for honesty. Interesting concept when it comes to dating huh?! Guys here are literally having guy conversations and going and telling girls...the only reason you aren't getting dates is because you are fat. Guys do not want to date girls who are chubby.
Yet, girls who are chubby want to be liked for who they are as well as how they look...actually it was my understanding that is what all women want. Chubby girls are still cute/pretty/etc. and I'm not talking about just personality. And actually, most chubby girls when they get into a serious relationship that is good for them end up losing weight...without a guy harping at them about it.
I know of a guy who told his girlfriend he could never really get serious about her because she was just to fat for him. They later on ended up getting married.
But seriously....women in America are so sick and tired of the view that you have to be model thin in order to be worthy of any ones attention. This pressure to be 'perfect' causes anorexia, bulimia, depression and a wealth of other mental and emotion problems in women....starting when they are children. Seriously.
So when I hear these guys saying they don't date because there is no one 'worthy' of their attention because of the way they look. I just think....so when they have kids....if they do procreate....and their daughters or sons go through a chubby phase where kids may make fun of them; I wonder if they will support and comfort their kids or sit them down for an honest chat and tell them that no one is going to like them while they are over weight. Yup self esteem booster right there.
Sigh. So...sound off....what is your opinion. Should we appreciate men's honesty in telling you that you are not loved cause you are fat because you just need a reality check as a wake up call to lose weight, or am I just surrounded by shallow men who need to learn humility? Or am I missing another perspective out there? Please help me understand.
4 comments:
I like honisty but any man who was going to tell me that they wouldn't date me cause I'm over waighte not worth the time. Most of us who are over weight know it and don't need to be told by shalow big headed men (or people for that matter). There is defanuntly a weight problem in america but being told by skiny people isn't going to help. Also people should learn to but out. Also in my exsperyance people put on weight with marrige. Not the other way around. So theres a married persons perspective.
Tough questions.
I think that even the nicer-than-nice, kinder-than-kind, equality-loving, spiritual-giant kind of men look at appearance (and with it, size) when they’re determining whether a girl is someone they’d want to date (or marry.) I think it’s just what men do, just the same way a girl might be attracted to a man because they’re wealthy, or well-dressed, or whether they seem like a good provider or father-figure for their future children. (I myself admit to not being attracted to a guy I went on a date with once because he was a couple of inches shorter than me, and too thin.)
Frankly, I think even if an overweight girl is cute and presents herself well appearance-wise, and she has a lot going on for her in the brains and talent department, she’s still not her best self if she’s not keeping herself healthy. Because that best self would feel attractive, sexy, and most of all—confident. And, (since all dating & marriage ultimately leads to sex): Sex is better when your thinner. You feel better; he likes you better (either because you feel better to him, or because you feel better to yourself.)
I assume that most people (men and women) who are ready to look for someone they’d have a serious relationship with, find that they end up finding someone that is “good enough.” Enough of their qualities—personality, talents, intelligence, and appearance, etc.—are good enough to fall in love with, and are good enough that they overshadow their less-favorable qualities. (Or at least they think so when they’re so busy being twitterpated with love!) And I don’t know these guys that you’re referring to, but they’re possibly the types that may never find Miss Perfect—either because she isn’t out there, or because she herself is looking to find Mr. Perfect. But to say out loud to someone that they’re not lovable because they’re overweight is certainly rude, and well, not the best way to relate to people in general.
Anyway, I don’t want you to think I know it all, because most times I think I don’t know a darn thing about men. But right now I’m currently struggling with getting the weight off from baby #3, that was born 2 years ago. I’d say I want to get the weight off about 75% for me and my own happiness, and 25% for him and wanting to make the one I love happy.
So for now I’m going to pretend I didn’t eat that cheese danish a few minutes ago.
Well, no matter what, there will be reasons for people not to be attracted to you. I recently had a guy friend, who has never been attracted to me, mention what it is about me that he is just not attracted to. But the things he isn't attracted to are integral parts of who I am, things that I am proud about and enjoy about myself. I have no intention of changing.
I've had guys try to get me to quit shaving, get more education, tell me I needed to be funnier, more spontaneous, less sharp, be more emotionally responsive, kinder, cook more, etc. etc. etc.
I am not saying that we all shouldn't strive to be our best selves. I should work on being less serious, less sharp etc., but at the end of the day, I'm me and if a guy won't date me for being me...then so be it.
I think there are all kinds of "attractiveness". I think that everyone has a type of person they are attracted to. Some types are more sought after than others. But I do think some men find thicker women attractive. If you are happy with yourself and who you are, then I don't see anything wrong with it. I believe the right man will love you for all of those things.
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